Got a Secret, Can you Keep it? Trust in the Digital Age🤫💋
Trust helps us navigate the world. Trust is confidence that a person will guard your best interests. Trust is the foundation of relationships.
Institutions such as schools, hospitals and banks operate by utilising trust. For example, we trust the bank with our money. Trust gives us confidence, that are money is still there, once we make a deposit. We trust the government to spend our taxes wisely. We trust the person making our food to not spit in it. We trust energy companies to keep the lights on. Everything that produces outcomes that are greater than individual effort, relies on trust.
Trust is built into the human condition. When a baby enters into the world, a newborn needs other people to survive. Without the care, love and support of others, an infant will struggle in their first moments. Human beings need one another and trust is the most important tool we have. Unfortunately, for many reasons we might struggle with trust. Due acts of betrayal or abuse, humans can be conditioned to be suspicious of others. Trust is a tool we need to use wisely and building discernment, allows us to give our trust to the right people. This is key to a fulfilling life.
Trust unlocks intimacy with others, bringing joy, peace and ease into our lives. Life becomes joyful as we open ourselves to the influence and support of other people. For example, trusting a friend means we are able to receive advice, gifts or opportunities that could help us. In return we are also welcome to give freely, knowing that we are supported and the other person won’t take advantage of us.
To engage in trusting relationships requires vulnerability. Vulnerability allows us to share our desires, wants and needs with others. Dr Henry Cloud (Ref 1) explains how building trust requires an effort to listen and understand the needs of others. When we listen and understand, we don’t worry or check our backs. A key to increasing the capacity to trust is clarity. Seeking clarity in relationships can lead to trust or prevent us from trusting. To truly be carefree, we must know what to look for..
A series called Pretty Little Liars demonstrates the importance of trust in supportive friendships. The 2010 series, is set in a fictional town called Rosewood. The series follows four best friends who are harassed by ‘A’, an unknown person. ‘A’ begins to target Aria, Emily, Hanna and Spencer, after the disappearance of Alison, the founding member of the friendship group.
Hanna, Emily, Aria and Spencer
The girls are implicated in different schemes by ‘A’ after Alison disappears. Each episode presents a new challenge for the friendship group to navigate. The series explores the signs to look out for, when deciding to give our trust to others.
In season 1 episode 16, Hanna’s Mom (Ms Marin) is visited by a man who claimed to be the nephew, of a deceased client. The client who passed away, left money in a safe deposit box. Ms Marin stole money from the sage deposit box, during a difficult time. The nephew arrived before she could return the money. Caleb, Hannah’s boyfriend, noticed several gaps in the man’s claims and warned Hanna to tell her mother. Initially, Ms Marin believed the nephew’s story, until Hanna suggested her mother look into his background. In end, the nephew was a fraudulent impersonator.
Dr Cloud developed a trust model, to support individuals with learning how to trust others. These are the five essentials of trust:
Understanding: Is the person showing that they understand you? Are they mirroring you? Are they listening to you?
Motive: Is there evidence of their intentions? What are they doing? What proof do they have?
Ability: Are they resilient? Do they have the experience to do the thing which you are trusting them to do? Do they have proof that they deserve your trust?
Character: What personal traits to they display? Are they considerate of others? Do they display traits of an honest person?
Track record: Do they have a track record of trust? Trust is incremental, do they have previous experience in the area you are choosing to trust them in?
Pretty little liars is a good series for observing how trust keeps people together. Trust is precious, we need to choose who we give it to. Before we trust people, we should make a couple of considerations before we engage. Life alone is difficult and challenging, we go further with others.
If we struggle with trust, isolation feels safe. Healing is needed if we have trust barriers. It is important to review how we can make better decisions. Being hurt isn’t our fault, those who take advantage of trust aren’t absolved from responsibility. It is important to empower ourselves, by becoming equipped to make better choices.
Reference
Cloud, H. (2023) Trust: Knowing when to give it, when to withhold it, how to earn it, and how to fix it when it gets broken. New York: Hachette Audio.
